This video game adaptation stars Christian Slater and
Tara Reid. The IMDB info page is here.
9 replies on “Movie Discussion – “Alone in the Dark””
Down with Boll!
Saw this on IMDB: “If anyone were pondering what Ed Wood would be like today if he were armed with foreign financing and computer effects, look no further than Uwe Boll”
That’s a dead-on statement. House of the Dead was a painful experiance and I will not be putting myself through that again, tyvm.
From IMDB page:
From the IMDB post:
32 out of 35 people found the following comment useful:-
shockingly bad, 25 January 2005
Author: sire-5 from Denver, CO
I was honestly surprised by Alone in the Dark. It was so bad, I could hardly believe what I was seeing. There are no characters, just a few stereotypes wandering around and getting killed. The extent of the character development was giving each character a name and an occupation, and that’s about it. There was no real plot, and none of the characters seemed to have any motivation. In fact, many action scenes just began on their own, coming from nowhere with a pounding techno track. While I was watching this movie I kept asking “Where is this happening? What’s going on?” The acting was high school drama quality, with stiff wooden delivery, as though the actors were reading from cue cards without comprehending their lines. Their trouble delivering lines was made even more obvious by horrible sound design. ADR sounded like it was recorded in an open room. The actors were constantly taking obvious care to hit their marks, looking almost robotic in their movements. So, these listless automatons are whisked through a series of implausible and confusing scenarios, often without even the benefit of transition scenes. They were here, now they’re there. This was happening, now that’s happening. Random scenes with little rhyme or reason. I had a lot of fun watching it. Definitely not worth nine bucks though.
If the movie is that bad I’m not going to see it.
Re: From IMDB page:
From the IMDB post:
I was honestly surprised by Alone in the Dark. It was so bad, I could hardly believe what I was seeing.
Ya know, that’s almost the same review I’d give for Episode 2. Lucas managed to make Samuel L. “I Will Get Medieval” Jackson dull.
Seriously, I will say I was interested – I went through the entirety of the first game with the Ballista. I loved those games – they scared the crap out of me, but they were _fun_. Looks like I’ll avoid this like I did AITD4.
Re: From IMDB page:
Lucas managed to make Samuel L. “I Will Get Medieval” Jackson dull.
Nitpicker alert!
It’s actually Ving “Gonna Get Medieval” Rhames and Samuel L. “Great Vengeance and Furious Anger” Jackson.
“Alone in the Dark shows just how tenuous Plan Nine From Outer Space’s hold on that “worst movie ever” title really is.”
“All the money, all that filmmaking expertise out there, all those film schools churning out would-be Kubricks, and Uwe Boll still has a shot at catching the late and great-at-being-fifth-rate Ed Wood.”
Sounds thoroughly awful. My wife wants to see it, but she might change her mind after reading some of the reviews.
Damien
Re: Another review
“Alone in the Dark shows just how tenuous Plan Nine From Outer Space’s hold on that “worst movie ever” title really is.”
But Plan Nine from Outer Space stopped being the worst movie ever the moment Manos: The Hands of Fate came out. So, the real question is, how bad is Alone in the Dark when compared to Manos.
Dismal!
One look at the reviews should probably tell you everything you need to know about this movie. The only review site that’s given it a positive review so far is a well-known troll site that posts contrary, disingenuous reviews to drive traffic to their site.
Movies don’t take a critical bath like this for no reason. I’m guilty of liking some bad cinema in my day, but you gotta have standards.
With reviews this vitriolic, it would be almost worth renting just to see how bad it really is.
So bad it’s good?
I watched House of the Dead when it came out on DVD. I was horrified at how bad it was. But looking back on it, it was so bad it was almost good. It’s not worth the disc it was put on by any means, but many parts that were suppose to be scary were just funny. Are jumping zombies scary? Well, they might be if you didn’t see the springboard they were jumping off of. It’s one of those movies that at 9.99 for the DVD it’s almost worth buying just to make fun of. That’s about all it’s good for.
Now is Alone in the Dark like that? Is it so bad that it would be fun in a group to just tear apart and make fun of? I’m sure Mr. Boll didn’t intend it to be that way, but how can he not know how bad his movies are? It’s one thing to be quirky and artsy or whatever, but he’s 0 – 2 now, and that’s not good for an aspiring director. I suppose he could get better, but how many game franchises (if he chooses to continue along those lines) will he have to destroy before the owners of those characters say “NO WAY!” when he comes knocking?
Down with Boll!
Saw this on IMDB: “If anyone were pondering what Ed Wood would be like today if he were armed with foreign financing and computer effects, look no further than Uwe Boll”
That’s a dead-on statement. House of the Dead was a painful experiance and I will not be putting myself through that again, tyvm.
From IMDB page:
From the IMDB post:
If the movie is that bad I’m not going to see it.
Re: From IMDB page:
Ya know, that’s almost the same review I’d give for Episode 2. Lucas managed to make Samuel L. “I Will Get Medieval” Jackson dull.
Seriously, I will say I was interested – I went through the entirety of the first game with the Ballista. I loved those games – they scared the crap out of me, but they were _fun_. Looks like I’ll avoid this like I did AITD4.
Re: From IMDB page:
Nitpicker alert!
It’s actually Ving “Gonna Get Medieval” Rhames and Samuel L. “Great Vengeance and Furious Anger” Jackson.
Back under the rock I go! :)
Another review
From a local newspaper:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/entertainment/movies/orl-alonedark_mvrv012805jan28,0,974145.story
“Alone in the Dark shows just how tenuous Plan Nine From Outer Space’s hold on that “worst movie ever” title really is.”
“All the money, all that filmmaking expertise out there, all those film schools churning out would-be Kubricks, and Uwe Boll still has a shot at catching the late and great-at-being-fifth-rate Ed Wood.”
Sounds thoroughly awful. My wife wants to see it, but she might change her mind after reading some of the reviews.
Damien
Re: Another review
But Plan Nine from Outer Space stopped being the worst movie ever the moment Manos: The Hands of Fate came out. So, the real question is, how bad is Alone in the Dark when compared to Manos.
Dismal!
One look at the reviews should probably tell you everything you need to know about this movie. The only review site that’s given it a positive review so far is a well-known troll site that posts contrary, disingenuous reviews to drive traffic to their site.
Movies don’t take a critical bath like this for no reason. I’m guilty of liking some bad cinema in my day, but you gotta have standards.
Best. Reviews. Ever.
“Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV.”
— Nicholas Schager, SLANT MAGAZINE
“The three stars have seen better days, but I’d like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn.”
— Rob Vaux, FLIPSIDE MOVIE EMPORIUM
With reviews this vitriolic, it would be almost worth renting just to see how bad it really is.
So bad it’s good?
I watched House of the Dead when it came out on DVD. I was horrified at how bad it was. But looking back on it, it was so bad it was almost good. It’s not worth the disc it was put on by any means, but many parts that were suppose to be scary were just funny. Are jumping zombies scary? Well, they might be if you didn’t see the springboard they were jumping off of. It’s one of those movies that at 9.99 for the DVD it’s almost worth buying just to make fun of. That’s about all it’s good for.
Now is Alone in the Dark like that? Is it so bad that it would be fun in a group to just tear apart and make fun of? I’m sure Mr. Boll didn’t intend it to be that way, but how can he not know how bad his movies are? It’s one thing to be quirky and artsy or whatever, but he’s 0 – 2 now, and that’s not good for an aspiring director. I suppose he could get better, but how many game franchises (if he chooses to continue along those lines) will he have to destroy before the owners of those characters say “NO WAY!” when he comes knocking?