This article on the official Trek web site has synopses of the last three episodes of Voyager before the two-hour series finale. If the crew is returning to Earth at all, they’re doing it in that finale; these last three episodes look pretty run-of-the-mill to me. Below is a cynical view of what might happen after the crew returns to Earth…

One of my local TV stations airs old episodes of Voyager just after midnight, and over the last two days I finally saw, for the first time, the pilot episode (“Caretaker”). Given that we all know by now that the surviving Voyager crew and the Maquis joined up, everything just seemed a little too convenient in that pilot. If Paramount really wanted to mess with our heads, here’s just a few things that could happen in that final episode…


Through whatever magical piece of treknobabble seems most appropriate, the crew returns to Federation space in the first act of the episode. Round up the sets and cast from “Deep Space Nine;” since the series started there, it seems somehow appropriate to end things there as well. Several ships immediately secure Voyager, round up the crew, and put the whole lot of ’em in custody, and nobody will tell ’em what’s up.


The original Voyager crew (Janeway, Tuvok and Kim) are locked up in one block of cells, the surviving Maquis (Torres, Chakotay, et cetera) in another. Gods only know what to do with Paris, Neelix, and the recovering Borg, Seven of Nine. The Doctor’s mobile emitter is taken away, since it’s a gross violation of the Temporal Prime Directive.


Some nameless Starfleet admiral with a chip on his shoulder takes the whole damn crew to task for violating just about every rule in the book, including the Prime Directive on about a zillion occasions. In an impassioned speech that would make Picard proud, Janeway is forced to defend her makeshift crew and her actions before a board of inquiry (or local equivalent). They don’t seem to care.


Convinced that the crew deserves better than a life of imprisonment after their seven-year struggle, Janeway busts everyone out, and in a series of scenes reminescent of “Star Trek III,” they retake Voyager and make for higher ground.


Right about then, The Emissary (er, Captain Sisko) returns, the wormhole opens, Voyager flies in, the wormhole collapses, and the Voyager crew is now stranded 70,000 light years away from home in another part of the galaxy altogether. Fade to black.


This is little more than the effects of too much sleep, and most likely bears no resemblance whatsoever to what will really happen. If it does turn out this way, though, feel free to shower me with chants of loyalty and worship for my psychic powers…