It’s Halloween again, when all manner of spook-themed films haunt the small screens. Now I could wax about James Whale’s Frankenstein and the rest of the Universal Monster Movies, or explain why I prefer Ginger Snaps to any number of mad-slasher pics. I could compose the inevitable list of best horror movies that you know is going to appear at the Bureau soon, carefully balancing heavy-hitters like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre with lower-key works such as Targets I could wonder what the Simpsons’ “Treehouse of Horror” has left to parody, or fondly recall tv specials of my youth, complaining that those Kiss fans want too much for pirate copies of Paul Lynde’s ’76 show.
But I’m not going to do that….
Nope. This is a list of the horror movies you’d like to see, and the Halloween Specials that really ought to be on the tube. And while your suggestions will no doubt be funnier than mine, we have to start somewhere so….
A Nightmare on Enterprise: Freddy Krueger invades the slumbering cast of the Star Trek franchise, killing them all horribly before being put to sleep himself after he overhears a Bureau 42 discussion of continuity errors. Rated R for the infamous “Decon w/ Freddy Glove” scene.
The Britney Spears Halloween Special. Special guest-stars: Madonna… and Britney’s creator, Dr. Frankenstein.
Jayne-ger Snaps: The crew of Serenity face a new genre-blend when Jayne is bitten by a wolvish creature and undergoes the behavioral changes associated with lycanthropy. No one notices.
The Star Wars Halloween Special: The Star Wars Holiday Special has become a part of nerdlore, and Lucas finally follows it up with a Halloween Spectacular. Jar Jar Binks and the “romantic” dialogue from Attack of the Clones figure prominently. State-of-the-art CGI inserts classic monsters into familiar Star Wars scenes; naturally, they all shoot first. For those still not terrified, look for the extended Ewok Musical Number!
Well, all right…. What would you like to see?