How to Write Truly Awful Fantasy

Lucy-S, a writer for E2, has posted today a hilarious write-up on How to Write Fantasy that will Slay the Editors. It’s well worth a read.

Think of it as a companion piece to the Turkey City Lexicon.

The question is….

What other advice can we give to aspiring bad fantasy writers?

10 replies on “How to Write Truly Awful Fantasy”

  1. GrimSean says:

    Suggestions Three

  2. Archaic spelling/language = literary gold.
  3. Have someone die, but then bring them back, only make them evil and give them amnesia, which they recover from right near the end so they can sacrifice their life to save the lives of their friends.
  4. As David Eddings has shown us, if you do stumble across a great plot, feel free to change the setting and the characters’ names and sell it again.

  5. And remember – it’s only stealing if you get caught!
  • GrimSean says:

    Re: Suggestions ummm….. whoops
    Also, counting and proofreading titles is for losers!

  • dgswensen says:

    not impressed.
    Those who can’t do, snark.

    This isn’t really a companion to the Turkey City Lexicon so much as it is a sarcastic, slightly whiny version of the same material without the literary pedigree to back up the attitude.

    I wonder how long it will be before we start seeing “How To Write A Perfectly Awful ‘How Not To Write’ Advice Article” on e2.

    • Timeshredder says:

      Re: not impressed.

      It’s a humour piece, clearly, with satiric intent. In that sense, it plays with a few of the ideas being discussed more weightily in the Lexicon– which itself boasts several amusing moments.

      • dgswensen says:

        Re: not impressed.

        It’s a humour piece, clearly, with satiric intent. In that sense, it plays with a few of the ideas being discussed more weightily in the Lexicon– which itself boasts several amusing moments.

        I like the Turkey City lexicon quite a bit (I even keep a copy of it on my HD to remind myself to avoid many of the pitfalls mentioned therein), but I thought this was a little too mean-spirited and ham-handed to be funny, or even qualify as satire. But that’s just me.

    • taniwha says:

      Re: not impressed.

      This isn’t really a companion to the Turkey City
      Lexicon so much as it is a sarcastic, slightly whiny
      version of the same material without the literary
      pedigree to back up the attitude.

      So, what kind of a literary pedigree did you want to see?

      And what kind of a pedigree do you offer to back up your
      own attitudes? :-)

      • dgswensen says:

        Re: not impressed.

        So, what kind of a literary pedigree did you want to see?

        And what kind of a pedigree do you offer to back up your
        own attitudes? :-)

        I’d like to see what kind of published books, and how many, this particular author has on the shelves, since she’s obviously so knowledgeable on the conventions of a genre she apparently finds so lacking. I’d like to see if she has something positive to contribute, or is just mouthing off… I’m gonna guess the latter.

        And I have no pedigree of my own, but then I don’t pen lengthy screeds telling people how to write, either. (And a good thing, too.) :)

    • Boglin says:

      Re: not impressed.

      Those who can’t do, snark.

      Those who can’t snark, snark about the snarking.

      Okay, you’re not snarking and your complaints are valid. But I’ve also got to say, it could have been a heck of a lot worse. After all, when I read the post title, before anything else came into my mind, I suddenly thought:

      Step One: Change your name to Piers Anthony

      Now that’s being snarky.

  • Eldhrin says:

    Well it’s alright…
    …but it smells a bit. (credit that one to Douglas Adams and/or John Lloyd)

    The article’s okay, but the Turkey City Lexicon, which I have not seen before, is fantastic. So thanks for posting that link :-)

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