Twilight Conventions Coming

Residents in the following cities are advised to take the necessary precautions which include, but are not limited to: Evacuation, boarding up windows, flamethrowers, and marathon viewing sessions of either Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the Blade movies, or any other vampire movie that does not involve SPARKLES.

Cities Under Siege:

  • New Jersey
  • Chicago
  • Miami
  • Seattle
  • Nashville
  • San Francisco
  • Atlanta
  • Los Angeles
  • Arlington, VA
  • Charlotte, NC
  • Minneapolis
  • Phoenix
  • Boston
  • Toronto
  • Portland, OR

A further threat of adding more cities to the invasion list has been issued. You may not be safe. If your city is not listed, you should still consider the necessary precautions. Pre-emptive strikes of batting the Twilight books from the hands of impressionable youngsters is still HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Remember, friends don’t let friends read crappy books.

13 replies on “Twilight Conventions Coming”

  1. Don says:

    Sorry, I maybe stabbed in the heart with a wooden stake for saying this, but… Buffy was highly over-rated.

    • nitefallz says:

      I think so. I’ll take it a step further though. I was semi-forced to read the first Twilight book, and I read the rest of my own free will and I enjoyed the series a lot. I’ve seen a lot of flak for Myers not being a good writer and I’m not sure where it comes from, but I’d imagine 90% of it is bandwagon drivel. I haven’t read anything else from her so I can’t say the books are bad, but they’re better than the movie was and if you take it for what it is, it’s not a bad series. The books are simple reads with a fairly simple plot written from the perspective of a teenager (who the books also cater to). It’s easy simple fun and it’s more than just about vampires or a lame love story.

      I remember Stephen King criticizing Myers for being a bad author, but the last time I read a King novel I felt like I was watching an episode of Dragonball-Z, you know where 25 minutes of the show involves what would normally be a 10 second fight. Bring on the hate!

      • TheAngryMob says:

        Everyone pay attention, I’m actually going to help a Twilight fanboy (or girl) out.

        Here’s a common problem with fanboys in general, but I’ve noticed it a lot with Twilighters (or whatever the hell they’re called) and I also see if from Anime fans, but that shall be another rant at another time.

        Your defense of the books involves saying that Stephen King disliked them and Stephen King is a bad writer, therefore he’s wrong and Twilight rocks. Bad logic.

        It’s called an Ad hominem argument and it’s usually the bastion of a defender that can’t really defend his side of an argument. Avoid this and point to the genuine merits of what you’re defending. What makes the books worthwhile, what’s the appeal? Don’t defend by attacking the attackers it’s a logical flaw that never, ever works.

        That is all. Class dismissed.

        • Don says:

          Okay, no attacks. How about this. I just simply enjoyed the books. That is my measure of whether a book is good or not. I started the books actually pretty late, all of them were released after I started. I burned through all of the books in short order.

          So, to summarize, are the books the greatest novels of all time? No, of course not. Are they a nice indulgent treat that I enjoyed immensely? Yes!

          I just have to wonder for all of the people that put the series down, how many have actually taken the time to read them? My guess would be that very few of them have read them and that they are just following the crowd.

          • JD DeLuzio says:

            I haven’t read the books. I probably won’t. My wife read one and didn’t mind it. I have a niece who is a fan of them.

            Here’s the thing.

            They may be good books. I don’t know; I haven’t read them. They may be enjoyable to certain readers, in which case, those people should read them. But I cannot get past the premise which (1) removes everything that, for me, makes vampires such conflicting and interesting dark characters (2) has, IF the movie is any indication, some problematic sexual politics and (3) makes vampires sparkly. Sparkly.

            You know, I just can’t get past sparkly vampires.

        • nitefallz says:

          You just engaged in cum hoc ergo propter hoc, if you want to take the fallacy route. But that’s your choice. I said I didn’t care for King’s novels, but I never said that because I didn’t like his style of writing that immediately A) Made him a bad writer, and B) Made Myers a good writer.

          I hated Twilight and everything about the entire books, movies, fanboyism, etc. I still think most of it is ridiculous, but the stories themselves, taken for what they’re supposed to be are not nearly as bad as you “critics” claim them to be.

          Most people who go on bashing tirades seem to miss the point of the story and the fact that there are elements other than those most widely discussed. When you focus on one or two plot elements that don’t live up to the pre-defined expectations of vampires for example it becomes easy to laugh at the entire story.

          Sparkling fangless vampires is a bit corny in my opinion, but that’s a small part of the story. The quality of a writer ultimately comes down to the opinion of the fans reading the books. A lot of hate comes from people who’ve never touched the novel so they’re in no position to pass any factual judgment. It’s sad that critics of all things now a days have these bizarre standards by which everything else is judged. If it’s not Shakespeare or Dickens or Voltaire then it’s garbage.

          Bottom line, I am far from being a fanboy of Twilight. That however, I used to be a hater, then I gave the story a chance and enjoyed them. I suggest the same for everyone before they go on another tirade about how horrible it is.

          • JD DeLuzio says:

            I never said they were bad books. I said I had no plans to read them, and tried to suggest why (1) they’re not on my “must-read” list (2) so many people with little experience of them might react against them.

            When someone threw a cheap shot about vampires who sparkle from the stage of the Masquerade at Worldcon, he received great applause and laughter. There must be a reason for that, given that, I suspect, many of those applauding hadn’t read Twilight. And I’m inclined to conclude that the concept and the kind of fandom it has attracted has made the books a target.

            Sort of how hip types in the late 60s couldn’t admit that, yeah, some of the music released by the Monkees was decent pop, or were shocked to learn that, along with a zillion little kids, John Lennon was a fan of the tv show.

            Perhaps I’ll read Twilight some day and contribute some kind of informed opinion (which is not the same as a definitive one) to the discussion.

            But don’t hold your breath.

          • nitefallz says:

            @ JD

            Sorry, I wasn’t ranting about your post. For some reason it didn’t let me respond directly to TheAngryMob.

  2. […] https://www.bureau42.com/view/5671/twilight-conventions-comingResidents in the following cities are advised to take the necessary precautions which include, but are not limited to: Evacuation, boarding up windows, flamethrowers, and marathon viewing sessions of either Buffy the Vampire Slayer, … Uncategorized | […]

  3. Don says:

    Oh, and just to be clear on this, I am not planning on going to the “sparklecon”. :)

  4. TheAngryMob says:

    Why does everyone assume I haven’t read Twilight?

  5. PuppetSocko says:

    Interesting responses to the Sparklevamp “controversy” here.

  6. zonk3r says:

    My wife read the books and said they were entertaining but by no means “good”. She said they are the kind of book you buy at the airport bookstore for a long flight. I saw the movie and wasn’t impressed. It wasn’t all out awful but wasn’t great either. The Rifftrax version is much better. Check it out:

    http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/twilight

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