Are YOU a super-hero?

Have you ever wanted to be a super-hero?

Maybe you already are! Take this simple test!

Award yourself one point for each positive answer. A factor of 10 or higher means you may well be a super-hero. Or it may mean you’re freakin’ delusional.

You may be a super-hero if:

1. The flimsiest of disguises render you unrecognizable to close friends.

2. Your girlfriend/boyfriend/pal is a danger magnet of such a degree that she/he often has trouble getting home from work without being kidnapped by gangsters and/or extra-terrestrials.

3. You engage in sophisticated conversations during hand-to-hand combat with arch-villains.

4. You engage in hand-to-hand combat with arch-villains.

5. Your town draws arch-villains whose crimes have a motif.

6. Clothing fits you so tightly it accentuates every muscular contour of your body. If you are female, the fabric sticks between your breasts, instead of stretching across them.

7. Even a drive in the country or a walk through the city is likely to bring you into contact with events which could threaten world peace, endanger all terrestrial life, or otherwise profoundly affect the future of the world.

8. Your car has a name, a theme, and an assortment of cool gadgets.

9. Jung’s notion of synchronicity could become more than a speculative hypothesis based solely on the events of any two-month period in your life.

10. You hold membership in at least one organization of people with extraordinary abilities and absolutely no fashion sense.

11. You have an adventurous but entirely non-sexual relationship with an unrelated younger person, with whom, despite age and other differences, you get along very well.

12. You know a statistically improbable number of people with cool names which frequently relate to the person’s exceptional ability or dominant personality trait.

13. People who dislike you have a penchant for wearing purple and/or green.

14. You have a friendship with a genius who has nothing better to do than invent cool technology for your personal use.

15. Space aliens frequently visit your town. They are often seeking you personally.

16. Engaging in international or even interplanetary adventures does not affect your day job.

17. You find opportunity to say things like, “It is my cousin’s cat, Streaky, who is non-super at present” and “Some kind of scarab crawled into me and put this suit on me and now… I’m in space with Batman. Looking for an invisible satellite.”

18. You have engaged in hand-to-hand combat, assisted by at least one muscular female whose upper body appears to have been inflated to 35 psi.

19. You have a secret hide-out and you are (a) not a criminal and (b) older than 12.

20. You have not aged visibly in at least two decades.

Sample Super-Hero Factors:

Clark Kent: 19
Bruce Wayne: 20
Peter Parker: 15
Timeshredder: 1. (2 if belonging to Bureau42 qualifies me for # 10).

14 replies on “Are YOU a super-hero?”

    • Re: I got one point.

      I have a secret hide out…

      Not so secret now is it?
      -1 for you :}

  1. This isn’t about a superhero …

    “11. You have an adventurous but entirely non-sexual relationship with an unrelated younger person, with whom, despite age and other differences, you get along very well.”

    This is about Michael Jackson, isn’t it?

  2. My answers …
    1. It’s amazing how an adult wearing Peanuts pajamas can seemingly disappear at the local Wal Mart. NO ONE looks directly at me!

    2. I’ve heard this excuse before.

    3. I am typing this whilst singlehandedly holding two collection agencies at bay, does that count?

    4. Well, they’re arch-villains to me.

    5. I have a lawyer in NYC: McDonalds, Burger King, Wendys.

    6. Yes, I really need to go on a diet. These 40″ waist pants just don’t fit anymore.

    7. If it’s important to me, then it’s of earth-shattering importance. I’ve read Deepak Chopra, buddy.

    8. It’s called the “junkmobile”. The rust and shabbiness hide a vehicle that is secretly rusty, and shabby. Wait …

    9. Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency is my biography.

    10. Does the Loyal Order of the Moose count? You should see them when they play golf, and this one guy can drink a case of beer in an hour …

    11. I’m not Michael Jackson. Number 11 makes me fundamentally uncomfortable.

    12. See number 10. Belch, Pudge, Grunt, and Stinky.

    13. Damned traffic cops.

    14. I have a back scratcher Pudge made me that’s sure handy.

    15. See number 2. “Are you sure you don’t want your ex-girlfriend back?”

    16. When you’re unemployed you’ll welcome any diversions.

    17. I might use a contraction, “it’s” instead of “it is”, but my cousin’s cat is non-super. In fact it’s one of the most ordinary cats I have ever seen.

    18. Yes, I have a few lesbian friends who have helped me out of a pinch.

    19. It’s a room in my basement where I keep a shrine to Erin Gray.

    20. Balding this year. Balding last year. I maintain a consistent look with minimal effort.

    • Re: My answers …

      1. My superdisguise is activated by my saying “I have a great idea we can try out.” It also activates my friends’ inability to hear me.

      2. No, but my keys disappear a lot.

      3. At work, it’s a Windows environment. I’ve gotten quite creative in some of my comments to my machine.

      4. I’ve threatened to do the rare-earth magnet reformat.

      5. Oh, that’s my boss you want to speak to.

      6. Depends on whether I used fabric softener and whether there’s a lot of static electricity.

      7. I don’t even need to travel into the past to accidentally step on a butterfly, so yes.

      8. It’s called “my bicycle” and it has a water bottle holder. It not only has a theme, it has its own theme music when going uphill, a rhythmic “clack clack clack.”

      9. No, but I’ve got chaos theory working full-time.

      10. I’ve gone to some Slashdot meetups.

      11. My neighbor’s cat likes me.

      12. I give a lot of people in my life nicknames relating to their characteristics. For example, my boss is “Narcissus,” “Psychoboy,” “That Jerk,” and some that I don’t want to post in a forum that minors are likely to visit. Let ’em develop their own foul language.

      13. No, but if expensive suits count, I’m there.

      14. There’s some great stuff developing in the back of my refrigerator.

      15. Not any more. They took me on their ship and apparently it’s against alien etiquette to ask if they have a death ray. Or actually, the etiquette breach was asking only rhetorically if I could use it.

      16. I can attend meetings and be out in space at the same time.

      17. Erm, no.

      18. If the female equivalent is “a very muscular man whose clothing stays quite close,” then yes.

      19. Miss on a technicality.

      20. I’ve not matured. Does that count?

        • Re: : )

          Sure, sure. Wreck my totally serious quiz with your brilliant gag answers.

          No, you wrecked my totally serious life by making me Face My Destiny as a Superhero. So there.

  3. How Could Bruce get 20?
    Wasn’t Wayne Corp taken over at some point by an evil-chair-of-the-board-room because of his late night excursions and drinking problem? So his super hero-ness was affecting his day job… so no point on #16.

    And am I more or less of a super hero for knowing this?

    • Re: How Could Bruce get 20?

      And am I more or less of a super hero for knowing this?

      No, that would make you a “nerd” or a “geek.”

      (and, like an ethnic insult, I can say it ’cause I’m one)

      • Re: How Could Bruce get 20?

        (and, like an ethnic insult, I can say it ’cause I’m

        Aren’t we all? Heck, I tell my students that, if they
        can’t remember my name (Mr. Dowler), they can also refer
        to me as either “Ubergeek” or “Your Holiness.” They guy
        who recognized the Linux mascot on my tie calls me
        Ubergeek, but nobody calls me “Your Holiness” anymore. (I
        had one do that when I tought labs at the local

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